Better late than ever, here is the overly belated Halloween event gathering Midnight Haven had on Friday, 28th of October. With how crazy everything has been (even up until the publishing of this blog post) a lot of madness prevented me from both obtaining a Halloween costume, let alone posting this lovely Halloween gathering. I somewhat feel horrible for having sat on this blog posting till December 14th, the time of jolly festivities and Merry Christmas snowy enjoyments.
Now that I finally managed to get to this VRChat blog posting I finally have one less thing to worry about. I had my fun, I recorded my enjoyment, just as much as I recorded my frustrations.
[VRChat] – Midnight Haven Halloween World Hop 2022:
I feel bad for the main Blue I admire. They were loosely aiming in my direction to which I noticed they went to their main clique grouping. I’ve missed them so much yet was having my social moment with this second ‘Blue’. Social awkwardness. They even had this overly adorable Halloween costume which I was I could have complimented them on. The moment has come and gone, and that’s one of my other regrets. I genuinely wanted to compliment them for having an awesome Halloween avatar.
Meanwhile, I forgot to wear a Halloween costume.
The first Halloween world we went to was a bit of a goof. False advertising by the world creator with the assumption of this being a race. Needed to collect various things to open the gate which was painfully unclear.
After much running around, after much waiting, and much chattering we eventually went to a secondary proper mini-game world. We went to an awesome ‘jack of all trades’ world, though for the name of it escapes me. Wish I knew the name. It’s a perfect Halloween world with various mini-games.
A person in Midnight Haven was taking a group shot, something I tried being a part of, to eventually having it posted on the Discord without me. I was rejected. I was rejected in being acknowledged, in being a part of an image. My already struggling depression grew from this moment onward getting worse as the session went on. They posted it, I felt denied, I wasn’t acknowledged I was there…… My social anxiety growing. I’m however proud for Blue for having an awesome avatar, yet felt sad I wasn’t acknowledged I was there :(.
I thank VRChat, Nagzz21, and those I meet from 2017 onwards; For making me able to socially interact with people again. It allowed me to be who I am, I however feel pained by being socially rejected in a social game. I have a vague idea as to why I was, even politically or gender ideologies, cliques, etc….. I don’t want it to get messy. VRChat should be where you can let loose, interact, etc. I felt none of that in this world, and in the other worlds. You’ll see. I’m well aware I should be prompting others.
I genuinely questioned whether I should have stayed with Nagzz21’s group, or if I should stay with Midnight Haven’s group. I know people in both groups, yet the flow is fresher in Midnight Haven’s side. I most likely dirtied the water on Nagzz21’s side, even having been unfollowed by Nagzz21. I’m trying to find my place, trying to have fun as I had back in 2018-2019, it however can’t be replicated anymore because people don’t’ want it to. Times change, people come and go, and change is constantly happening. On the side of everything I’m always blamed for everything so things just don’t happen anymore. I get ghosted, everything is my fault, and everything simply ends up hanging. My depression grows, my agitation, my social anxiety, my awkwardness. Things can’t be what they used to be with how judgmental we humans are to one another.
VRChat allowed me to finally converse with people again, especially after 2017’s betrayal by a Dutch person, and many others unfollowing me on the hobby side. It makes me feel sub-human. I have this deep pain in me that won’t heal unless people act kind and social again. I forgot how to be social thanks to people forgetting how to be social.
I genuinely I’m in pain. I’ve noted this many times in various past blog post…….. I’m in pain thanks to how people forgot how to be social, how to interact with one another, and how nothing is as fun as it used to be. Everything always has to be my fault and I hate that line of thinking. VRChat is where you’re supposed to let loose, have fun, and be random.
My mind is sadly programmed with – “Everything is your fault” – when it relates to being ghosted, ignored, and outcasted in various ways. I joined Midnight Haven in hopes of finding a cool place, and I was close. I met a few cool people while being outshined by others. I see a stupid hierarchy where there shouldn’t be.
I know I’m venting where I shouldn’t be. I should be having fun, I should be enjoying myself. I’m in pain, I felt rejected. Even the group image that was posted on Discord without me in there. Granted, I didn’t have a Halloween costume for having simply forgotten about it with how chaotic everything is in life. I feel subhuman……
I ventured around many areas taking the scenery all in. I ventured to some haunted buildings with my flashlight scouting out the area. A few jumpscares I was able to withstand, one I wasn’t. I was jumpscared by a ghost in a cabin that scared me so bad I somehow emoted with my Valve Index’s thumbstick spewing out candy corns. I jumped so bad I had to take a few moments to compose myself.
I sadly do not have an image of it, nor the area. It’s a moment only I can admire, and ones other people won’t remember. Only I, and those who chose to read this blog post. That jump scare scared me so bad I eventually looked back at where the Midnight Haven crew was wondering where was someone to be with me, someone to converse with. I was frustrated, and depressed.
I was extra cautious about entering a building not knowing how it may scare me. I didn’t know if it would trap me further scaring me. Everything is far scarier in VR, as if you’re there in person.
After a while I we went to another area to which I simply ran around like a headless chicken.
Being socially ignored probably does explain why I’m so socially awkward, broken, and all this nonsense. If people knew how to socialize then I wouldn’t be so broken. If I could just meet down to earth people who aren’t stolen or overwhelmed by others then everything would be sweet. If I could just have my small gathering I used to have (before the whole judgmental phase) of simply world hopping VRChat would be neat. Don’t get me wrong or misread…. I had a “decent” time, granted everything could have been so much better and more social. As with the Naggz Friday hangouts, and with this one, people forget how to be humans and how to socialize. And granted #2, I should prompt people more, but that’s a “me” problem as well.
I feel I shouldn’t have to prompt people when back in 2018, and even the 1990’s you could simply look at people to have a nice conversation. People would simply strike one up on a whim. Now? You need a magical lamp to socialize. A miracle.
(Disclaimer: If you’ve read this far keep in mind I’m also in a depressive phase unable to do things I desire to do. The event was “alright”, it could however have been better. I’m not trashing Midnight Haven, I’m just disappointed. I had my moments, as noted here. Various people headpatting me, poking me, etc, half of which I captured. )
VRChat Sleeping pose:
(Click the above booth link to see what I mean. Others use full body tracking, I could make use of this.
Thanks to my struggles of blogging I can now note of two other devices people can use for body tracking.
- Sony Mocopi ($400~)
- Haritora X
Feel free to Google either for your full-body tracking needs. Once I get my own house/apartment I’ll consider these options, though with how screwed the Canadian economy and situation is I may not be allowed to do anything. I however have noted them for when I’m actually able use them. Desiring to get a new computer while upgrading. Better late than ever, I guess.
So bored……… Roaming around the area multiple times I’m sure people would have told me to “just leave”, and I would have agreed. Maybe I should have left. If only I wore a Halloween costume. It just wasn’t meant to be. It doesn’t even help I keep appearing every full moon in a VRChat world. I want my own place, my own upgraded computer, etc. I’m not allowed to have fun and everything is my fault…..
It’s moments like the above I can’t straight up leave VRChat, even when neglected. A few users who still know how to let loose and have fun still roam VRChat, if in low numbers. The random headpats I’ve obtained (once I failed to capture), and the random interactions is what I still enjoy about VRChat. They’re sadly simply “few and far” that VRChat feels “hollow”. I still have my attachments to it.
I was told to simply leave VRChat, and I do agree with that sentiment. VRChat saved me in various ways in 2017, same with Nagzz21 but both Nagzz and the folks developing VRChat simply can’t acknowledge nor comprehend that. I’m a piece of turd to Nagzz21, even though he genuinely saved me from depression and betrayal from Anime hobby folks. I have ties and attachments to VRChat, ones I can’t get rid of. Sure, times have changed now but VRChat is still apart of me.
I also went tiny Shinki Renge showing how bored I am. Just roaming around as a tiny Renge trying to find entertainment.
Nah, you’re not interrupting anything. I was just pranking Hunt because I was bored out of my mind. I’m glad I pranked him, I have something to be happy about. It’s something memorable, even if it didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I feel so out of place, but thank you for briefly acknowledging I was there. Go ahead, talk to Hunt.
And the plunger I used on Hunt was hidden away so I couldn’t re-prank him. Damn…….
With everybody being sleepy we ventured to the PUG before heading off.
Seeing Hunt getting headpatted. Genuinely miss the old days of VRChat where people would actually hang out showing some enthusiasm for hanging out. Actually trying to hang out, visiting one another’s worlds, etc. People were keeping their distance while others were chatting away.
With people mentioning of joining other worlds I stopped playing there. Now is a better time than any to hop off while noting how I failed the cute Blue in this session. My karma may have been being equally rejected throughout for not complimenting how adorable Blue was in their Halloween avatar, as I intended to compliment them. I was just in pain. Yes, I do have my moments of interacting, group shots, etc. I cherish those moments, hence this blog posting. I feel bad all around for being ignored, not being acknowledged, rejected in a group shot by someone else, and having too many low points in this hangout. I failed in my Halloween costume moment with how chaotic life is. I was planning to have my avatar wear something Halloween.
I genuinely miss the old VRChat from the 2017-2019 range when we hung out on a whim. Everything is now held back, people are stiff, and it just hard to have fun. I miss the dream-like sessions we used to have in VRChat, even if I was stupid and other users were crude and stiff pretending to be special. Acting as if you’re drunk in VRChat is what makes it the best, even if you haven’t drunk anything. Pretending you’re under the influence is what I miss about VRChat; The spontaneous moments of fun. The exploring, having people to join you in worlds as you explore.
Again, I’m not knocking on Midnight Haven. We all had our fun, we all had our moments. Everything shall be taken out of context with how language works. I had my ups, I had my downs. Even Chesh was having a rough time with his hangout being lied to by other people’s world descriptions. Nothing is perfect, we can however try to have our fun. Nobody is assertive anymore when it comes to VRChat. Nobody wants to hang out, not like the old days. Everything is a blame game. If this was a ‘Sword Art Online’ live-or-die moment I’m sure I would be a character left to die as people would hunt for glory. It feels that way. I was rejected by Nagzz21, rejected in the RPG VRChat game, I was ghosted by Midnight Haven for Halloween. Maybe other events won’t be, it’s just maybe this blog posting is delayed with how I also feel about that gathering. It’s painfully sour for me.
I fear for my future hangouts with how I struggle to join them, have fun, etc. Happy Halloween! Maybe future world hops and gatherings shall be in a happier tone. I’m always struggling. I want my own home, upgraded computer, and actual fun. I deserve that much in this broken Canadian economy and world. Everything is screwed up falsely making it my fault and my problems, and I hate that.
With how delayed the blog posting is (from October into December) I also want to wish people a Happy VKet Winter 2022 and Merry Christmas!