We’re now in April, something I’m struggling to comprehend timewise. Time flies so fast to the point months feels like weeks, weeks feels like days, and days feel like hours, or roughly like that. I wasn’t the only one to make note of that making me wonder if it really is an ‘old age’ thing, or if its because of something cosmic related. Are we nearing a blackhole, or is a planet interfering with us? Is it spiritual, phyisical? Chemical? I have been watching a few Youtube videos, one of which noted how time is perceived in fragments. The more fun you have the faster it goes. The less fun, the same speed it goes while perceived as slower, though in more detail to that. You measure time through those ‘chunks’.
I also wanted to note a few Animal Crossing stuff, Azur Lane, Phasmophobia, and even something relating to Nagzz21 which I still feel betrayed about. I’ll explain and expand on things below.
Feel free to visit the tweet advertising the world.
I’m aware I haven’t allowed myself to be on VRChat to the point where we could all hang out. I constantly have work and other duties to tend to, though the least that could happen is being invited. Those died out once people found their own routines. RIP. I am however openly invited to hang out with people, and I may try that eventually.
My workplace even prevents me from hanging out in Nagzz21’s Friday hangouts because of the hours. I simply take what I can get to VRchat to the point I’m now truly a solo-traveler in VRChat. People who said they wanted to hang out in VRChat simply refuse to do so. Its just a mess. I’m still however happy for all the good memories VRChat has given me, even now, and even when I look back. It is what it is.
At this point I feel like everything is my fault and everything negative that happens is always my fault. My friends sadly have to deal with my work stress fatigue moodiness so I do apologize to them. Sorry! Everything else though, I feel its VRChat’s clingy social circles preventing me from experiencing VRChat to its fullest. People purposely putting up barriers without allowing full fun to grow once again. Accessibility is being eroded away.
My home is now Azur Lane, though occasionally visit VRChat when able.
Animal Crossing – Cherry Blossoms/Sakura:
I can’t really see these Cherry Blossoms as freely as I used to. Not even in their proxy form as ‘Crab Apple’ trees. Everything has to be done within VRChat, or some other game. I’ve spent a good long while trying to make a proper Sakura spot in Animal Crossing, I do hope you like it as much as I do. My friends dropped out of ACNH because it feels to artificial, stunted, and lacking features, something I agree with. I don’t blame them. I wish we could still play it, even if I side-lined the game for a good 5-6 months. I can’t play the game to its fullest.
I feel so satisfied in Animal Crossing now, even if it is being artifically held back by various elements. I love how I managed to get all the trees in the right place, all the lanterns, stalls, and etc. Its a nice chill area. Failed to get the petals in the screen, it is however awesome.
I still have a strong love-hate relationship with this game. What I’ve said about this game are true, yet still is a fun game in various ways.
Azur Lane – Various Achievements:
I love my Azur Lane because its just pure fun. While I get sidelined and treated like trash elsewhere, Azur Lane always has this ‘lift-me-up’ element to it. This game allows me to be happy because it focuses on pure fun.
After so long I finally have the rare prototype gun! Nice! YPA!~
All the gold items you see is something I’ll get to once I replenish my coin supply. I’ll deal with them later once I tend to awakenings, equipment upgrades, and etc.
I have pretty much everybody, except for the Neptunia girls and a few stragglers here and there. I’m still sad I will never have the Neptunia girls, even though I obtained them over on the Chinese & Japanese account. I wish I could get a re-run or trasnfer them to my EN account. If I wasn’t arrogant with my Japanese account I could have also had them in my English version. It is what it is, and I have to live with it. I’m however happy by the various accomplishments I’ve done in EN version. If you’ve noticed, I probably am playing in a ‘try-hard’ manner because of my screw-ups. I’m trying to cover lost ground while also trying to level up my shipgirls. I have all the priority 1-3 ships, most of the medals, and other event collabs.
I want to support a game I love, and one that has helped me during constant tough times. Azur Lane always keeps me happy in and outside of the game. I just love it. While I get side-lined and forgotten in various other places I’m just happy about Azur Lane.
I’m still waiting for my ‘Maple Monarchy’ Canadians to be added into the game, though now once again feeling pushback from people who want to constantly void Canadians. All the hard work, sacrifices, and their various Ace accomplishments from Canada means nothing to them. Canadians apparently mean nothing. They’re a pile of trash, cowards, or whatever they want to believe. I believe differently admiring their two Light cruisers, various numerous DDs, and maybe even a handful of aircraft carriers… Maybe even three Queen Elizabeth Battleships for priority research, though that’s pushing it because they’re pre-WW1 paper ships. I find it interesting how people love to void Canadians yet you find them added lazily into World of Warships, War Thunder, and other games. People put in the full effort, just not the outright full effort to add the whole fleet and faction.
I’ve pissed off so many WW2 game developers because of how many excuses I’ve heard while other game developers would just add them in without a word. Nobody wants to add in Canadians because they’re a ‘Minor Nation’, ‘Off-shoot of Royal Navy’, and other regurgitated reasons. Those developers piss me off with their lack-of-passion excuses. For history accuracy, passion, and etc, something other games had implemented without tantruming. Silent Hunter 3, Battlefield 1942, among others. The developers today piss me off because they come off as lazy and uninspired. When I start arguing with game developers that means they’re fearful of something.
Either way, Azur Lane makes me happy.
Nagzz21’s Streamlabs Spotlight: (& VRChat):
I want to congratulate Nagzz21 (or Nagzz), all the positivity he has shared throughout his Youtube & Twitch career. Nagzz means a lot to me because he brought me out of my depression during 2017 when other people threw me under the bus for delving into politics with it being a two-sided coin problem, yet a one sided punishment which I found so unfair. They lost themselves causing me to drop down into severe depression. I nearly lost myself also thanks to the betrayal I felt by various Dutch people (one of whom people who follow me are aware of), among other hobby folks from Dollfie Dream side of things. Coworkers and certain other friends even asked me what was wrong, yet was unable to properly clarify the situation. I’m a piece of shit to them, yet Nagzz allowed me to see the light. Even with that, I I feel I may not be appropriately recognized by Nagzz21, scarred by constantly social betrayal. I however am grateful and thankful for what he has brought, how I gained certain awesome moments to boast about. I don’t want to be famous, just recognized for living. I’m simply happy to be alive hoping to have been added in Rebel’s VRChat mural, something I observed I haven’t been. I love Nagzz’s Neptune stealing doll video, his Lanfear and Oathmeal videos, among others. Granted, they have issues of their own. Someone had their VR gear stolen by the Savannah artists, and etc……. Its not all sunshine and rainbows.
People constantly wonder why I’m always silent and “anti-social”; Why I stand like a statue in VRChat. Trust has to be earned, especially after 2017. People can’t behave like people, always making excuses that “I deserve it” or “asked for it” just because they themselves want to constantly abuse people. All the VRChat drama I constantly hear about is also why things haven’t balanced out. Yes, there have been awesome moments in VRChat where I had fun talking to people.
Here, I had genuine fun moments
https://arcticukitsu.com/Blog/?p=5151
(Nagzz talking to me in stream, getting a picture together, having fun in photoshoots. I thank him for that.)
Because of Nagzz I started to genuinely laugh again back in 2017. I gradually started coming out of my shell trying to talk to people, sharing my interest of Busou Shinki and Frame Arms Girls. People even started seeing me acting out as I would in VRChat becoming more vocal, expressive, and etc. I started becoming human again all thanks to Nagzz21, VRChat, and the friends I befriended. I went from a turtle to a curious fox-type person checking things out. I tried to keep up with Nagzz21’s VRChat adventure videos, his streams. Everything. Whatever I could, I followed it. Work then prevented me from checking every single thing from him to the point Nagzz randomly decided to bounce to Twitch, to stop VRChat stuff, and etc. Nagzz kept getting stream sniped, I kept getting technical difficulties, up until I got a Valve Index. By then, it was too late to be properly respected by Nagzz’s groups. My social awkwardness, not fully healed, kept screwing things up.
When I finally mended half (or most) of my VRChat issues it felt like I was too late. I wasn’t added to the VRChat mural, nor was I being invited anymore. I’ve done something “wrong”, I don’t know what. Me being a mute? My Twitter? My social awkwardness?………. Who knows anymore. Even so, when I occassionally take a peak at Nagzz’s Youtube videos I still die laughing. I still crack up laughing. I felt like I missed the VRChat train by a few hours, or something. I wasn’t allowed to do certain things other people were allowed to do.
I’ve personally DM’d Nagzz on Discord genuinely noting how grateful I was for all he has done, even noting my Oculus Rift errors. He noted that, made note of such when I gave him bits on his Twitch stream. I’m grateful for that. For all the fun content he has done from 2017 till now. I may not view them as frequently and as excitedly as I used to, also because I’ve been quietly unfollowed on Twitter; Being busy with work, and life obligations. I just feel like I just don’t belong in VRChat anymore causing me to view Nagzz’s stuff in a less excited manner. Still interested, just less excited and motivated. I still make note of what I can, while I can, its just not in those 2 min clips as Hololive clippers do them. They’re the similar emotion I had for Animal Crossing causing me to stop tending to the game. I feel a sense of very light faint betrayal because I nearly became homeless and stopped streaming because of 2020 issues. VRChat isn’t what it used to be (2017) so I moved onto other things; To Rising World, Azur Lane, and other easier to play games. With the way I’m wording things I’m going to assume people will view it one way when its slightly another way, or purposely misread this. Who knows. I’ll see how people read this, IF they leave a comment, something I doubt people will. Not expecting that. I’m just allowing my thoughts to go loose.
To what ‘TheFireStorm’ noted, I was never tweeted/DM’d at saying how I fucked up, how I could improve, or anything. I wasn’t able to fix any errors, if I had done any. I guess I didn’t belong? Its however interesting to note other people’s interactions.
I nearly became homeless after my dad passed away on May 13, 2020 forcing me to stop VRchat’ing as seriously, to stop streaming, and etc. I constantly dream about Streaming. I’m not asking for a forced pity from Nagzz21 to follow me back, I’m just simply venting; Laying out my thoughts. Its something I’m accepting will be misunderstood. A forced pity refollow or acknowledgement would morally feel weird. If anything, a simple vocal dialogue or me finding a way back onto VRChat hangouts may help. Again, I enjoy Nagzz21’s content while also being lifted out of severe depression, I however feel like I was put back into it for similar reasons. I’m probably not seeing certain elements.
I’m probably blind by not seeing a certain obvious element hidden behind some figurative dust, or something. Everything is probably my fault, or something. Nagzz21 is a busy person. I’m not trying to blame him, I’m just simply noting both my happiness and frustrations, they go hand-in-hand in life because life is a storm. You have to find a way to reach your destination with me struggling to find my own. I feel like people were going to help me then they judged my value and left me to drift. Certain folks, at the least. Not all.
I’m very wordy, though I don’t blame Nagzz from a business stand point because I don’t make Youtube videos as frequently as I used to, nor do I Stream anymore because I’m in between homes having been saved from going homeless.
I simply feel absolutely frustrated with VRChat all around. I’m struggling to connect with Nagzz, VRChat, or everybody else who set their own routine preventing others from joining them. I’m sure someone is going to say I’m whining, ‘jealous’, and etc. Maybe, maybe not. I always felt I always gained the short end of a stick time and time again in and outside of VRChat for moronic reasons. Because of my situation I feel so frustrated, more so when other people note how they’ve been helped by Nagzz while I’ve been left to rot time and time again. Thankfully I keep preparing safety nets or having other kind people help me out in return. I’m grateful for those people who’ve helped me out. If I’ve been thrown under the bus because of Twitter itself then I’m really going to be furious. I’m allegedly not allowed to have fun, or something. Cliques, tribal mentality, or something. Something obvious I’m not seeing. And that’s just me trying to be transparent and open with my thoughts.
(Note: As confusing as this may be I’m not hating or venting against Nagzz, I’m wanting to congratulate him, yet feel certain parts I gained a short end of the straw missing out on things I feel normally wouldn’t. Its trivial, and I’m just venting for blog purposes. I’m expecting this section to be misunderstood by people.)
Phasmophobia:
Left the game in a bit of a hiatus because of other tasks needing to be dealt with. Azur Lane, work, life, and etc, or simply lacking interested folks in playing it. I have still yet to play prison, though happy for the recent sessions I had. I’m sad to note I was cranky one night preventing me from playing the full session so I had only one game. Computer howled, someone stayed over so I also had to end my game prematurely. This game is still fun and spooky, I love it. Many fun moments with me sounding like a chipmunk, car being set off in Tanglewood, among other amusements.
I’m however frustrated people who pinged me they wanted to play never pinged me again to actually get a game going. Same for VRChat and this game. Common! Need to thank my VRChat buddies for joining me and asking me to play on a full moon type session; We play once or twice every so often, almost as long as it takes for a full moon to cycle around.
The other night where I was exhausted from work, cranky, and wanted to be a mute. I wasn’t given the choice of being a mute if I wanted to play. RIP. Ate a sandwhich to try to make me feel better, something which gave me brief energy until I had to end the game because of a sleep-over and my computer howling from odd April humidity.
They kept playing while I was forced to hop off for curtesy reasons. Things are not what they used to be for me.
As I keep noting under every Phasmophobia section I’ve genuinely seen a shadow figure at one of my previous homes. Only appeared once during the night, and may have haunted me even to the next house after that until it told me in a dream its leaving. Maybe it was it, maybe it was something else. Never had a crazy nightmare like that after it told me it was done with me, though don’t want to jinx it. I’m not kidding. Was roughly during or near Christmas (maybe December? January?) when I wanted to see my mom in the livingroom. I saw a shadow person in the hallway and ran to my room in fear. It may have been a dream, felt real to me.
I’m very sensitive to the paranormal to the point people think I’m crazy. They even pointed out the irony in how I admire Kitsune (Japanese folk spirit) yet fear paranormal. I have a weird relationship with that. Its awkward. Maybe the older I get the more I’m able to properly grasp it. Young kids are often brutalized traumatized for it because of their sensitivity.
Also, because of Phasmophobia and all the Youtube videos I’ve seen (documentary types) makes me wonder how many ghost entities we’ve verbally interacted with, passed by, and perceived as ‘fleshy’. It seems to happen, as noted by Japanese folks, Canadian artists, and etc.
Back to Phasmophobia, I can’t wait to try out the prison level. I wonder when.
Pokemon GO:
Lastly, have to make note of Pokemon GO thanks to friends and situations allowing me to play this properly again. I play it on-and-off, but because of my situation I’ve been playing more Pokemon GO next to Azur Lane. Not as seriously as some friends, though seriously enough.
That moment when you believed you were ahead of your friend to only end up being at the bottom of the barrel with your 4 shiny Snivy’s. My one friend caught 15 shinies, another on Twitter caught 14-ish, and another never told me. Constantly angry at me, I assume. I’m going to assume this cranky helpful friend caught another 14 because that’s the way things go, I guess………. I’m happy with my 4, and I wanted to boast about it. Guess I can’t? I evolved my 3 star shiny into the third form.
While doing the whole Pokemon Snivy event it was very windy that Sunday afternoon. Catching as many as I could while also overhearing two kids on a bike talking about Anime noting how they allegedly like it while their parents don’t. It was a strange, if amusing, conversation to overhear. Makes me wonder what anime the kids have seen if they’re going to pride themselves on enjoying anime.
And a random Girls Frontline picture beacuse I was testing out a tweet I saw noting ‘decensored Sopmod skin’. Maybe its legit, maybe not. It allowed me to obtain a few rares, one of which being KAR98K. Neat!
I do half apologize if some of my sections/paragraphs came off as too rambly/venty/ranty. I had to let a few things off my chest because it kept stewing in my mind forcing me to straighten them out for a blog posting to make full sense of it. Maybe its for the better, maybe for the worse, just genuinely frustrated with things while happy with the others. Azur Lane, Rising World, among others keeping me happy. Twitter keeps doing its stupid thing hoping it’ll eventually balance out, though doubt it. I’m happy with Phasmophobia, I feel sad with VRChat while admiring the world beauty.
Sidenote:
1) Waiting on ‘Rising World’ to fully update Unity version to allow modding so I can finally mod in Busou Shinki in NPC form. I’m only waiting on Red51 to update his game. We have the models from Battlemasters & Battle Rondo, we just need to port them into Rising World.
2) Waiting on Yostar/Manju to confirm/deny ‘Maple Monarchy’ faction. I want them to tell me/us if we’re obtaining Canadians or not. People keep denying it even though they’re not developing the game. I want Manjuu or Yostar to outright tell us, or tease us. Give us a roadmap, a livestream, or something. Anything!
I feel there are too many artificial barriers needing to be knocked down. People put them up and they’re a pain in the ass to navigate around. I wish people would wise up allowing fun to be fun. If there are any misunderstandings it be nice to clear those up.