This blogpost covers the day of April 16th & 17th, 2023 while in Sapporo.
Thanks to the last two days visiting Mount Moiwa and its neighboring platform I first (15th) felt slightly under the weather. Not sick, just simply out of it. My mind was a bit on the foggy side, if one could explain it as such. Made me forget to even pay for my Ramen at Kiraito. The day after (16th) I fell into a brutal emotional slump for the day. A heavy state of depression, similar to the weather. Basically spent half the day in the hotel room simply venting to a Mexican friend of my mood, and frustrated with many things. I was also becoming more agitated my trip in Japan was also gradually coming to an end. I didn’t want my time in Japan to be done so quickly.
I was even frustrated by what I’ve noted in Kamakura, and when I left Mount Moiwa. It all hit me together in this hotel room. Just how I’m simply not allowed to be friends with the girl/women side of things. It’s messed up. Either I screw up, they screw up, or we both screw up. I hate myself in that regard. Maybe I’m too depressive on that topic, it however chews me out so heavily with in my mind. I have to fight my own demons on a daily basis, some days where it even knocks me out fully (such as the 17th).
Not wanting to waste a full day I also decided to venture out, if briefly, to nearby places. Simple stuff, to do “something”.
[Side-note: For simplicity I’m merging the two days together. I felt fatigued, and eventually overly depressed. My log noted I was fully depressed on the 17th, yet showed signs on April 16th as well. It threw my blogging out of clarity.]
Related Blog Posting (Japan Travel):
[Day 1] – [Day 2] – [Day 3] – [Day 4] – [Day 5] – [Day 6] – [Day 7] – [Day 8] – [Day 9] – [Day 10] – [Day 11] – [Day 12] – [Day 13] – [Day 14] – [Day 15] – [Day 16] – [Day 17] – [Day 18] – [Day 19] – [Day 20] – [Day 21] – [Day 22] – [Day 23] – [Day 24] – [Day 25] – [Day 26]
The previous two days was indeed the correct call to hike in Mount Moiwa (to the top), and even to the nearby park (Asahiyama Memorial Park) on the other day. I had cloudy and partially rainy days to deal with giving me decent views. Today? Would have been horrible. I made the correct call, or as best as I could judge the weather by.
Yeah, I bought the Tenga Egg out of stupid curiousity. One of those gifts. It reminded me of a Kinderegg, and it was displayed as such in the store. It was eyecatching.
I felt slightly under the weather. Not sick, just feeling out of it. My mind was foggy, or even hazy. Was hard to think straight. After regaining some emotional stability halfway through the day (as noted in the first image with the police van in front of the 7/11), I decided to go to “something”. Even if it’s arcades, it’s something. I also needed to eat after my “breakfast”.
Kiraito:
I decided to check out a place called Kiraito for some accessible ramen. Highly recommended.
Briefly waited in a line up, even indoors. Waited for my turn while catching up on Azur Lane, etc. Was provided a menu, and even a seating. I felt bad for other people having to wait.
(Sidenote: Either this, or my next visit I accidentally forgot to pay. I ended up paying once I was signaled back. I profusely apologized.)
Taito Station (Arcade):
Went to a nearby arcade to play some KanColle. I used the tool the Japanese KanColle Otakus provided me, using it well in Osaka, and even here in Sapporo. Might as well, and I might as well play some local Japanese arcade games. Sure, I could have also visited museums, they however also closed painfully early as well.
Recalling the glorious time I obtained Warspite in an event. I genuinely recall smelling/sensing Warspite’s fine fragrance (perfume) floating around my room at the time. Sure, it was an illusion, yet she was (and stil is) overly elegant she became my Waifu #2 in KanColle. Sadly, never did ring her, she is still however my favourite.
Azur Lane’s Warspite has nothing on her, and same with KanColle’s Saratoga. They’re both better in KanColle than they are in Azur Lane. I’ll agree with the Japanese on this one.
[Side-note: Saratoga in Azur Lane managed to get on my nerves. I genuinely rage at Saratoga, and had so many times. I genuinely admire, and respect, KanColle’s Warspite 100%. I genuinely have anger issues when I see Saratoga from Azur Lane, and I’m sorry for always venting. I simply dislike Azur Lane’s Saratoga.]
Feeling hungry, again (later in the night) I went to a nearby Konbini (7/11) to obtain more money to play till 8 pm. I played KanColle till 8 PM.
I even saw the guy cosplaying roaming around. He must have been doing his Konbini and food run as well. He was in his own KanColle world.
Played KanColle Arcade till 8 PM, in unison with Azur Lane. Played both at the same time.
Feeling I pushed too long (spent too much) I simply left. I desired to play-test a JR Train arcade game, I however missed my chance. I missed it on two occasions thanks to how my mind works.
I overheard some teen guys laughing about – ‘Hokkaido Experience’ – probably relating to what I was doing, or what they themselves were doing. I’m going to assume it had something to do with what I was taking pictures of. Even if I desired to try out one of these “special services” I would probably be rejected, or even make a fool out of myself. I’d rather not.
I went back to my hotel to retire with Azur Lane, and other stuff.
I tried to do laundry that night, I however failed. I managed to wash it, sadly unable to dry it. I failed to put it in the proper cycle. I even sadly broke their, what I assumed to be, dryer. Even one of the hotel guests tried telling me how to use it. I assumed I had it correctly. I did not. I failed my laundry in Sapporo. Lame!
Went to sleep all wound up, worried.
April 17, 2023 – Sapporo:
A new day, and me being fully 100% depressed. The day prior was me being “sick”, now I’m on the depressed side. Woke up at 9:45 AM, stayed on Twitter and Youtube till 2 PM.
Venting & Depression (Loneliness?):
I basically spent my morning (April 17th; Burning time into the afternoon) venting to my Mexican friend at how low I was feeling. Felt depressed, exhausted, and just unwilling to do anything. I could have went to visit the nearby Sapporo Beer museum, among other places. I simply wasn’t feeling motivated enough to even go anywhere. I could have vented to my other friends, they however do not care. I’m basically alone, even on the friend front.
It’s no secret I genuinely need a significant other, we however live in a society (Western & Japanese) which awkwardly pushes away any couple interactions, sexual or not. Yes, both Canadian and Japanese side seems to enjoy sidelining one another, even encouraged by main-stream media, workplace harassments, etc. Also, yes, guys do pair up with foreign women (mainly Asian girls; Filipino, Chinese, Thai, Japanese, etc), and you do see couples, society however sadly pushes both sides apart. Other singles (including myself) simply struggle without a significant other making moments like these very damaging to the soul. What I would give to have an Romance Anime level of friendship with a girl, as noted in ‘A Farming Life in Another World’, or other romance Anime. I simply feel I’m simply not allowed to have a girl as my partner, especially because girls love playing stupid punishing games, and because of recent societal downfalls. Girls/women being taught males are allegedly evil, or pushed away from dating, etc. Basically, girls forgot how to be girls, and guys are struggling to connect with girls (of all ages) making any interaction overly frustrating as an end result.
I broke down upon my first visit to Kamakura’s Enoshima Sea Candle reminding me of what I do not have. And again, in Sapporo when it’s raining. Constantly reminded how I’m single, and how I also amount to nothing in other girl’s eyes, or so noted towards me. It just hurts a lot. Also would help if I knew proper Japanese. Sadly, I keep forgetting my Japanese making it impossible to talk to people, let alone girls/women. That’s on me as well, but it simply adds onto the pile of frustrations and anger.
Emotionally depressed causing me to sit in my hotel room, especially when it rained. I constantly vent and vent, even feeling I missed each and every chance given to me. Having a nice lovely hug, a pat, or anything warm from a girl/women would be awesome. But alas, society (girls as well) constantly decide against it. Life is suffering. I’ve also, on numerous occasions, even considered making my way up into Mount Moiwa to be eaten by a bear, as painful as that would be. So many temptations. I constantly have to fight my inner demons.
Constantly venting and venting, unable to find my own traditional-oriented peace. I took too long, and society screwed itself in the process while I was constantly in a depressed state from year-to-year (for decades), and even on this specific date. Everything is just screwed up. Even with all that, I still wish and desire for girls to simply be proper girls, as shown in proper (and numerous) romance Anime.
Countless Anime to choose from, especially showing proper romantic situations. All I ask is for a proper partner, or a simple hug from a girl; Not to be alienated by them, or viewed as a creep, or potential rapist. I’m thankful there are girls who see me as human, though I desire girls/women to be more respectful and more like girls/women. They’re simply trying to also be someone they’re not, even getting themselves killed in the process; Taking their own lives doing something against their own will, especially through social media nonsense. It’s simply too much to ask for traditional and simplistic gestures. Too much to ask for a proper hug, and proper companionship, a conversation, or anything people would consider normal in the past. Seeking natural stuff is allegedly apparently too creepy to desire. Shame. Too much to ask for anything, or at all. Apparently too creepy making note of it, or so people would note to troll me back. Everything is more needlessly difficult than it honestly should be, especially in fake plastic ways trying to destroy the fabric of humanity in the process.
[Side-note: I won’t see a therapist because they’re now known to try to gaslight you, even turn you into the opposite gender. I would see a 100% properly qualified therapist if I could, I however need to know they’re actually genuine, and not ones hell-bent on destroying everything normal about the world. They desire to sexually violate little kids, violating girls, and they follow the mainstream narrative of “all males are evil”, etc. I can’t trust therapists. I can’t take the risk.]
The world has to be so needlessly cruel, and with annoying cold-shoulder behaviours. Granted, I also managed to screw up a lot as well. Screw ups on both sides of the coin.
My depressive self should have gone ‘right’ on this street. I should have visited an area to the right, as I had done two days previous. I should have visited the Medieval-advertising place [Nikka]. I should have visited ‘Susukino Bld’.
Basically went to Daiso for some card sleeves, something Daiso thankfully had. Went back to my hotel and returned back to explore the route.
Was considering purchasing a jacket, a little too late at this point. I also felt confined to this area feeling the need to only be in this area. I wish the ‘Nikka’ area popped into my mind. I forgot!
Played KanColle Arcade for a lengthy while. Long enough to the point I was desiring to eat some local seafood. I spent a while looking for some restaurants, eventually settling on eating some oysters. One place rejected me after having accepted me, I however was then welcomed by another restaurant. Three times I was rejected in Japan.
I felt slightly embarrassed about being here, even being served by one of those male hosts you see in Japan for women services. It felt awkward, yet I enjoyed the food. He’s the type of guys Japanese girls are known to swoon over. Not implying anything bad about the guy, he was chill. He was doing his job.
The other older gentleman preparing my oysters and food even questioned me from where I came, and even was a neat guy. Told him where I came from, maybe what I was doing here. I had the beer numb my pain a bit, if possibly turning me into a “baka gaijin” making me tune out. I simply wanted to “escape”, hence the beer and oysters. I genuinely enjoyed the oysters, they were delicious.
I sadly may have disappointed the older chef guy when I didn’t say the food was “yummy!~” in Japanese. I said it in English, not Japanese. I was drawing a blank. I wanted to say it in Japanese, I forgot what it was in Japanese. He noted – “umai!~”. Yes!
Sorry, I’m stupid.
[Side-note: A coworker was curious how well I was doing. He texted me prior to me entering this restaurant. I was texting him my experiences, even how I messed up my laundry experience. Told him I was having mostly a great time, I sadly however sabotaged my laundry machine in Sapporo.]
The night was beautiful, as was the ramen place (the little building in bottom left), a place I visited a few days prior. Great ramen place! They were genuinely kind to me.
I guess it’s time to pack up my things for my trip back to Tokyo. I need to head to the airport tomorrow via the train, and then plane my way to Tokyo for the last few days in Japan. Even though I screwed up, even having my emotional moments, I still had mostly a great time in Sapporo. It was too cold to do what I also came to do for the out-of-city experiences, I however done half of what I desired to do.
Thanks for having me, Sapporo! Sadly, I feel bad for destroying your laundry machine.
One of those “going to sleep depressed” nights.
Sorry for any negativity, not everything tends to be 100% positive all the time. I’m simply noting my experiences, and they’ve been shared. The next blog post shall take me back to Tokyo via trains and planes. Things shall become happier again.